…I’m the enemy. Cause I like to think, I like to read. I’m into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I’m the kind if guy who wants to sit in a greasy spoon and think, “Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?” I want high cholesterol. I want to eat bacon, butter and buckets of cheese, okay? I want to smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in a non-smoking section. I wanna run through the streets naked with green Jello all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to. Okay, pal? I’ve seen the future, you know what it is? It’s a 47-year-old virgin sittin’ around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake singing, “I’m an Oscar-Meyer Wiener.”
– Edgar Friendly, 2032
In 1993, the cinematic masterpiece, “Demolition Man” made some predictions about what life might be like in the future. It didn’t occur to 27-years-younger me just how accurate those predictions would be… without further adieu, here’s 27 things I learned from watching Demolition Man:
- If you’re short on toilet paper, just violate the verbal morality statute!
- If you live in a socialist utopia, homeless people will steal all your food
- Taco Bell will be the only restaurant to survive the Franchise Wars
- John Spartan doesn’t know how to use the Three Sea Shells (I could see where that might be confusing)
- Burning buildings are a good indicator that bad guys are nearby
- Police are no longer equipped to handle this level of violence
- We shouldn’t ask where the meat comes from…
- Rat burgers aren’t bad…
- In fact, you should be out there hunting rats instead of begging for vegan meat-alternatives (you can thank me later)
- Don’t face-time naked unless you’re sure you are calling the right number
- Commercials will infiltrate every popular media. Today you can pay to opt out, tomorrow it will be compulsory, and you’ll learn to like it!
- Social distancing stops the spread of STDs, the hunka-chunka and other recreational activities
- Sandra Bullock enjoys VR sex (presumably with hot anime girls, but will make an exception for John Spartan)
- In the future, all meetings will be video conference screens staring at other video conference screens
- Wait a minute, this is the future, where are all the phaser guns?
- Cars drive themselves (into walls, people and oncoming traffic)
- You are an incredibly sensitive man, who inspires joy-joy feelings in all those around you
- In the future, there is no more sarcasm
- Accusing the savior of your city of being in league with a multi-murder-death-killer is rude
- Sewers smell like biscuits ‘n gravy
- To catch a multiple murder-death-killer, you just wait around for him to kill another person so you’ll know exactly where to pounce!
- John Spartan likes the Chief’s plan
- Cocteau reminds Wesley Snipes of an Evil Mr. Rogers
- Sylvester Stallone is neither a blow-up-the-bad-guy-with-a-happy-grin-he-man type nor a moody-troubled-past-gunslinger-who-only-draws-when-he-must type
- I forgot to say, “Simon Says!”
- When you come out of cryo-prison, the first thing you’ll want to do is knit
- You can’t take away people’s right to be assholes!