Violet-colored lasers are the best choice for vaporizing human targets from space
Shady military officials spend all day watching infomercials on yet-to-be-invented secret weapons
The CIA officers kill off their only black guy because he doesn’t want to participate in their immoral project, just so that the audience knows how evil and dangerous they are (Cronan would be very disappointed)
A 15-year-old with an impressive exhibit at a regional science fair can skip high school and go straight to college
In the 80s, getting mice drunk in the name of science wouldn’t get PETA’s attention
The CIA relies on teenage students to develop it’s top-secret weaponry
Chris Knight is the only person who dreams about naked women throwing little pickles at him
“Getting Down” verbally with freshman involves confusing whether or not you should check your references
Dorm room closets are a fine place to put an entrance to a secret lair
Sycophantic student antagonists who get too sexually frustrated wear mock turtlenecks
Geniuses don’t waste money on coffee, they use dry ice slugs because f@#k the system!
Mock turtlenecks are a sign that you’re fairly rare and very unstable
Auto-electroshock therapy is an excellent way to treat a stutter
Nudity is the best way to keep change in your pockets, should gravity reverse itself
Students having mental breakdowns in the commons of Pacific Tech is not noteworthy
An “I ❤ Toxic Waste” t-shirt is a good way to demonstrate your disdain for authority figures
Geniuses have groupies too!
Female geniuses have bowl-cuts, no social boundaries and never sleep
Darlington Electronic Instruments Inc. isn’t stuffy about dress codes. And also, they have a Jacuzzi!
Urinals are a great place to find a captive audience
Being a laborer is what you get for not having an education
Dr. Hathaway, who is concerned about being seen with CIA crony, builds large, conspicuous house with no apparent explanation as to how it was paid for
Real geniuses rely on laser beams to guide them to important and expository destinations, such as Hawaiian-themed parties and satanic burger joints
Inviting student beauticians to a Hawaiian-theme party is the only chance nerds have of ever getting laid
Eating hamburgers gives you very large breasts
Sycophantic student antagonists enjoy doing their professor’s laundry
Renting out your son’s bedroom to your plumber is the best way to motivate him to stay in school
Seeing a Lazlo in his pajamas is themost disgusting thingyou can ever see
If you’re ever caught naked with a bowl of Jello, just tell them you were hot and hungry!
Burning 12″ diameter holes in school property won’t get you expelled from Pacific Tech
15 is an appropriate age to be propositioned by a genius groupie (she did wait 3 years after all)
15-year-old geniuses prefer their first sexual experience to be with a socially awkward 19-year-old insomniac to an attractive and experienced older women
Jesus wants you to stop playing with yourself
Top secret military computers use 6-character passwords
Being 4 hours late is a valid reason to ignore air-force base security protocols
Lasers are a young science
Dr. Hathaway can hammer a six-inchspike through a board…with his penis
It is possible to synthesize excited bromide in an argon matrix
Space lasers pop (but don’t disintegrate or char) popcorn kernels
Popcorn (in large doses) is lethal to houses
Prerecorded lectures are an acceptable substitute for actual teaching
REAL Geniuses exploit sweepstakes rules to fulfill their materialistic needs
Sponsoring a professor’s public access science show also obligates you to employee any graduate he recommends
The best way to get even with your enemies is to take apart their car and reassemble it in their dorm room
Lazlo’s computer is particularly adept at heightening suspense using 16-color CGA screen-savers
‘Dipshit’ is a good name for a first-born child
It’s a good idea to wear Ray-Bans in lieu of proper eye protection when testing 6MW lasers because the audience needs to be reminded who the cool one is
Any problem can be solved with a catchy 80’s pop song and a montage
