Violet-colored lasers are the best choice for vaporizing human targets from space
Shady military officials spend all day watching infomercials on yet-to-be-invented secret weapons
The CIA officers kill off their only black guy because he doesn’t want to participate in their immoral project, just so that the audience knows how evil and dangerous they are (Cronan would be very disappointed)
A 15-year-old with an impressive exhibit at a regional science fair can skip high school and go straight to college
In the 80s, getting mice drunk in the name of science wouldn’t get PETA’s attention
The CIA relies on teenage students to develop it’s top-secret weaponry
Chris Knight is the only person who dreams about naked women throwing little pickles at him
“Getting Down” verbally with freshman involves confusing whether or not you should check your references
Dorm room closets are a fine place to put an entrance to a secret lair
Sycophantic student antagonists who get too sexually frustrated wear mock turtlenecks
Geniuses don’t waste money on coffee, they use dry ice slugs because f@#k the system!
Mock turtlenecks are a sign that you’re fairly rare and very unstable
Auto-electroshock therapy is an excellent way to treat a stutter
Nudity is the best way to keep change in your pockets, should gravity reverse itself
Students having mental breakdowns in the commons of Pacific Tech is not noteworthy
An “I ❤ Toxic Waste” t-shirt is a good way to demonstrate your disdain for authority figures
Geniuses have groupies too!
Female geniuses have bowl-cuts, no social boundaries and never sleep
Darlington Electronic Instruments Inc. isn’t stuffy about dress codes. And also, they have a Jacuzzi!
Urinals are a great place to find a captive audience
Being a laborer is what you get for not having an education
Dr. Hathaway, who is concerned about being seen with CIA crony, builds large, conspicuous house with no apparent explanation as to how it was paid for
Real geniuses rely on laser beams to guide them to important and expository destinations, such as Hawaiian-themed parties and satanic burger joints
Inviting student beauticians to a Hawaiian-theme party is the only chance nerds have of ever getting laid
Eating hamburgers gives you very large breasts
Sycophantic student antagonists enjoy doing their professor’s laundry
Renting out your son’s bedroom to your plumber is the best way to motivate him to stay in school
Seeing a Lazlo in his pajamas is themost disgusting thingyou can ever see
Joe-Jim is the amalgamation of Joe and Jim, the founders of this site. It's also a shout out to Bob Heinlein's novel, "Orphans in the Sky."
The name is a reference to the ambivalent “muty” (being both a two-headed mutant and the descendant of mutineers) who lead the outcasts out of the darkness of religious superstition.
Joe-Jim is the editor and co-writer of Pork Circus.
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