Inappropriate Quotes

Today, I received a recruiting email chock of inappropriate quotes. When an author puts something in quotes, it’s their way of saying, “I don’t really believe what I’ve written to be true.”

In this case, he’s put quotes around just about every important detail of the message, suggesting that he doesn’t believe a god damn thing he’s written…Here’s what it looked like (names altered to protect the guilty, but otherwise in tact):

Hi Joe Jim,

My name is ‘‘Bishnu Vomar’’ and I am a technical recruiter with the ACME Solution Inc, a leading information technology services and workforce solutions company.

Is that your name? You don’t seem so sure… Sounds made up to me, I’m going to guess your real name is Hardvarigan Umpterschpeckle. Let’s dispense with the pseudonyms, Hardvarigan – the game is up!

We currently have an opportunity for a “Analyst” with one of our clients in the “Remote” area.

Sounds exotic! I wonder what I would be “Analyzing” in the “remote” area? I’d like it to be somewhere warm, but it’s probably Uzbekistan… this job is in Uzbekistan, isn’t it?

I came across your resume and noticed that you have extensive experience in “Analyst” which is one of the skillsets required for this position. I am reaching out to see if you would be interested in hearing more about this opportunity. Please give me a call to let me know when I should reach out to you. Also, I will highly appreciate if you can share the best contact number for the call.

I’m glad to hear my extensive experience in “Analyst” qualifies me to do whatever it is this job does… this is amazing!!!  What I don’t understand though is why I would call you to arrange a time for you to reach out to me… and if I did call you, wouldn’t you have my contact number…which is also on my resume? Seems a bit low effort, even for spam recruiters…

I’ve included additional details about this position below for your reference:

Location – Remote
Role/Title – Analyst
Job Description – Full Time

I’m not sure I can handle this much detail!

Also, if you have friends/colleagues within your network who may be interested in this opportunities, please let me know and I will reach out to them as well.

Oh, Hell NO! I’m keeping this gem to myself! …to post on my silly website…

I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks and Ragards!!

“Please feel free to contact, if you have any query.”

Ok, you asked for it!

DROP DATABASE contact_list;

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Joe-Jim is the amalgamation of Joe and Jim, the founders of this site. It's also a shout out to Bob Heinlein's novel, "Orphans in the Sky." The name is a reference to the ambivalent “muty” (being both a two-headed mutant and the descendant of mutineers) who lead the outcasts out of the darkness of religious superstition. Joe-Jim is the editor and co-writer of Pork Circus.

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