So, you are unfamiliar with the Dairy State?
Might want to know a few things before committing to the move?
I know I could have used some insight to help blend in with the locals when I first arrived! Here are a few tips that will help you fit in and avoid being chased by an angry, cheese-hat wearing mob:
- There are just three seasons in Wisconsin: Deer season, Green Bay Packer season and mosquito season…and they overlap
- Cheese can be added to anything! In fact, it can be a complete meal in and of itself. e.g. beer and cheese soup..recipe coming soon!
- Milk is sold in plastic bags
- You are more likely to be shown pictures of caught fish than their children
- The entire state shuts down opening day of deer season
- You’d better be a Packers fan and never say you don’t watch football! You’ll be looked at like you just landed on Earth!
- Beer is a food group
- Bucky Badger is a demigod, peace and blessings upon him
- Wearing Mossy Oak pants and a blaze orange sweatshirt is semi-formal attire
- Snow is a great beer cooler
- Fishing isn’t a hobby, pastime or sport – it is a fucking passion!
- If you don’t own at least one boat, people will view you with distrust and apprehension
- Never ever say you don’t like Culver’s Butter Burgers – them be fightin’ words!
- Ed Gein or Jeffrey Dahmer don’t make for good table conversation topics
- If you are from Chicago or New York, you will never have pizza again as you know it!
- Bratwurst is acceptable for breakfast, and even encouraged!
- Don’t let the snow fret you, the icy rain that will inevitably follow is much worse
- Famous Dave’s barbecue is the best in the World! To say otherwise is akin to saying you hate Wisconsin…and Native Americans!
- Although you can’t enter a tobacco store until you’re 18, you can play with Barbie dolls on a pool table in a tavern at the age of 3
- Milwaukee is Algonquin for, “The good land.” Alice Cooper said that, and I believe it, and you’d better believe it too you unworthy cretin!
- Outside of the authoritarian egalitarian progressive liberal hellhole, the good people of Wisconsin love their guns!
- Towns have more bars than churches. Praise be Bacchus!
- There are many small stores that sell everything from guns, ammo, food, beer, camo clothing and bait all under one roof!
- Indian casinos, ’nuff said…
- Everyone smokes, nobody quits
- Wisconsin natives can’t even spell al pastor taco let alone make a decent one!
- Frank’s Hot Sauce is not only considered to be good, but spicy
- Sausage gravy comes from a can or packet; biscuits are of the frozen variety
- People think Chili is something made with elbow macaroni
- Cottage cheese is a substitute for ricotta in lasagna
- You can trade smoked fish for a 4 wheel drive vehicle or snowmobile!
- Most bars worth their salt have a monthly gun raffle
- Between 2 and 5 A.M. Kwik Trip is considered fine dining
- Skiing is done on small hills, not mountains
- Ducks are amphibious vehicles!
- Fish fries are important community events
- Thar’ be bears!