Category: Armchair Anthropology

Big Jim’s Wisconsin Survival Guide

So, you are unfamiliar with the Dairy State?

Might want to know a few things before committing to the move?

I know I could have used some insight to help blend in with the locals when I first arrived! Here are a few tips that will help you fit in and avoid being chased by an angry, cheese-hat wearing mob:

  • There are just three seasons in Wisconsin: Deer season, Green Bay Packer season and mosquito season…and they overlap
  • Cheese can be added to anything! In fact, it can be a complete meal in and of itself.  e.g. beer and cheese soup..recipe coming soon!
  • Milk is sold in plastic bags
  • You are more likely to be shown pictures of caught fish than their children
  • The entire state shuts down opening day of deer season
  • You’d better be a Packers fan and never say you don’t watch football! You’ll be looked at like you just landed on Earth!
  • Beer is a food group
  • Bucky Badger is a demigod, peace and blessings upon him
  • Wearing Mossy Oak pants and a blaze orange sweatshirt is semi-formal attire
  • Snow is a great beer cooler
  • Fishing isn’t a hobby, pastime or sport – it is a fucking passion!
  • If you don’t own at least one boat, people will view you with distrust and apprehension
  • Never ever say you don’t like Culver’s Butter Burgers – them be fightin’ words!
  • Ed Gein or Jeffrey Dahmer don’t make for good table conversation topics
  • If you are from Chicago or New York, you will never have pizza again as you know it!
  • Bratwurst is acceptable for breakfast, and even encouraged!
  • Don’t let the snow fret you, the icy rain that will inevitably follow is much worse
  • Famous Dave’s barbecue is the best in the World! To say otherwise is akin to saying you hate Wisconsin…and Native Americans!
  • Although you can’t enter a tobacco store until you’re 18, you can play with Barbie dolls on a pool table in a tavern at the age of 3
  • Milwaukee is Algonquin for, “The good land.” Alice Cooper said that, and I believe it, and you’d better believe it too you unworthy cretin!
  • Outside of the authoritarian egalitarian progressive liberal hellhole, the good people of Wisconsin love their guns!
  • Towns have more bars than churches. Praise be Bacchus!
  • There are many small stores that sell everything from guns, ammo, food, beer, camo clothing and bait all under one roof!
  • Indian casinos, ’nuff said…
  • Everyone smokes, nobody quits
  • Wisconsin natives can’t even spell al pastor taco let alone make a decent one!
  • Frank’s Hot Sauce is not only considered to be good, but spicy
  • Sausage gravy comes from a can or packet; biscuits are of the frozen variety
  • People think Chili is something made with elbow macaroni
  • Cottage cheese is a substitute for ricotta in lasagna
  • You can trade smoked fish for a 4 wheel drive vehicle or snowmobile!
  • Most bars worth their salt have a monthly gun raffle
  • Between 2 and 5 A.M. Kwik Trip is considered fine dining
  • Skiing is done on small hills, not mountains
  • Ducks are amphibious vehicles!
  • Fish fries are important community events
  • Thar’ be bears!

Dead End Job or Fieldwork? A Matter of Perspective!

I started a new job today. The kind of low paying, entry-level position that comes complete with a company shirt, name tag and ball cap. Perfect for someone who is half my age or more. The kind of job I would otherwise be ashamed of having, considering where I think I should be by this point in my life.  However, such thinking has neither lead me to happiness or fulfillment..

deadend_job

So, instead of getting depressed about having to wear a dirty apron, stand over a hot fryer and scrape food pans into the trash, I will try to focus on what I can take away from the place:

  1. It is an honest living – there’s no shame in that
  2. Beats the hell out of some of the other things I’ve done for a living…
  3. I get to meet new and interesting people

Of those points, the last one got me thinking about how I could put a positive spin on this situation: I’m going to start thinking of my job as undercover participant observation – a form of ethnographic field work. Delusional? Without a doubt, but at least it will be fun!

I could conduct informal interviews, maybe even map the social dynamics between co-workers, management and customers. The alternative is just the same treadmill of frustration I have been running myself ragged on for years now in a seemingly endless parade of joe jobs.

On a positive note, they have enabled me to amass an impressive collection of nametags and hairnets (you’ll have to forgive the shameless Wayne’s World reference 🙂 )…

Besides, you’d be surprised at just how willing people are to tell their stories – if only you’d take the time to ask. And who doesn’t like a good story? I certainly do…so tell me, what’s your story?