Why You Should Own a Primate

I just ate a pile of cornbread stuffing and two pork chops. I really just want to lay back for a nap while a helper monkey massages my balls.

I’d name him ‘Okinawan Karate Champ Erh Ku’, and make him his own little welding sleeves so he could operate the portable 880,000 BTU afterburner I use for cooking stir fry (a hint of singed monkey hair is the secret to authentic Cantonese flavor).

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Big Jim

Big Jim

Joie de vivre, frugal gourmet, sybarite, aspiring author extraordinary, neo-pessimist philosopher, devout atheist, professional clown, amateur subversive, and individualist by choice.

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